I long, as every human being does, to be at home wherever I find myself. –Maya Angelou
David and I went to St. Louis this weekend for brief visit with family. This was one of the first trips we’ve taken back home that wasn’t over the holidays or in response to a crisis.
As a result, despite our schedules being jam-packed, we had more time to do things that were really important to us.
One of the highlights was getting cocktails with my brother and sister-in-law before dinner at my parent’s house. We realized it was the first time we had hung out together just the four of us. It was so much fun to share stories and reminisce about things we all remembered but had different perspectives on. By the end of the night my face hurt from laughing so hard.
I think that the relaxed circumstances of our visit combined with the fact that David and I are getting ready for a year of nomadic life in which we will not have a “permanent” home, got me thinking about our relationship with where we grew up.
Despite being so happy living in Boulder and excited for our upcoming year of travel, whenever I visit St. Louis I can’t help but wonder if we will return one day.
I think I want to want to move back to St. Louis. What I really want, is for family to move to us, and knowing that will never happen sometimes makes me resentful of the place. But I have to get over it and we just have to keep doing what works for us.
While being away from our families is something that we both constantly grapple with, I think it is also something that has helped us to create our own sense of home together. We heavily rely on each other for support and greatly value our independence. St. Louis is so tight-knit that just getting away almost makes us feel like we are living off the grid. Leaving the “bubble” is exhilarating and we feel like it has opened our horizons. While it can be hard being on our own all the time, it has also afforded us so much opportunity.
But there is a sadness associated with the feeling that I don’t think we will ever go back.
Maybe circumstances will change, maybe I will change.
I have mixed feelings about this, but I feel comforted knowing that if we want to, we can always make a different choice. I’m so grateful to have a partner I’m not afraid to take risks with because I know that if things change, or plans don’t work out, we can pivot. It is a reminder that I don’t have to make decisions about situations I’m not yet sure about. And for now, I’m so excited to spend the year traveling, and see where that takes us.
Do you live in your hometown or have family living nearby? How did you decide where to live? Was it a hard or easy decision?